“Are you socializing him?”

When I was a kid, I remember my mother getting off the phone with my grandma and remarking to my step-devil, “She is repeating her stories, again”.

At that age, I loved my grandmother’s stories. Over and over. I loved the way she talked to me about the same things. I had no idea why my mom was so irritated.

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I don’t call my mom after 4:30. She is usually on her way to drunk after that time. I now know why my mom was irritated all those years ago. It’s because talking to an alcoholic is annoying. They hold onto one subject and find a way to say their piece every time a window opens. I know this because now, my mother does it to me.

“Are you socializing him”? My mother asks….. AGAIN. It’s almost drunk:30, and I am fucking sick of this conversation with her.

“Mom, seriously, he is fine. He is in basketball, and Lego Club. We just moved here, friends take time to make”. Please leave it alone.

“It’s a big deal”, she replies. I am so fucking pissed that she even questions my parenting given the obvious deficits in her own ability to mother me.

“Mom, you are going too far, I don’t keep him locked in a basement, we get out, we do stuff”.

She continues with her psyco-babble until I finally put my foot down. When I say finally, I mean we have had this damn conversation at least a dozen times since I moved here. Seriously. No joke. A dozen times. Conservatively.

“Mom, I can’t talk to you about this anymore, I am getting off the phone”.

“Alright bye”, she replies, words starting to slur.

Then she texts me: I LOVE YOU.

I give no reply. It is so condescending and coming on the heels of her tequila filled state, I can’t reply.  The next day, she texts the same, and a 31 year old woman, parent to two replies, “I love you too Mom, I will not discuss my children’s socialization with you again. I am doing a fine job of giving them what they need, If you can’t trust that and move on, there is not much else I can say”.

She texts back, “I’m sorry, you are the best Mom ,wish I were u”.

Yes, thanks for that mother, it’s four hours past drunk:30, that means a lot.

4 thoughts on ““Are you socializing him?”

    • This hasnt always been the case. I have let many many hurts go unsaid. I am just at the point where my kids are getting big enough to where I care more about them seeing examples of good boundaries than i do of hurting my mother’s feelings. I used to let that shit go, because i was scared if i stood up for myself I wouldn’t hear from her again. Quite honestly, it still scares me, but not more than my kids following the route of bad boundaries in their own lives. Something has to give.

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      • Good for you. I am finally ready to set some clearer boundaries with my parents. Does your mom visit sober with you and your family? If so, did you have to tell her not to be under the influence when visiting? Thanks for supporting me.

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      • My mom is not unsafe for my kids to be around. She has not come to terms about her alcoholism, and does not belive in Christ, so I do not tell her not to drink. If she were belligerent around my kids, that would be different. She has enough self control to keep her social drinking within safe bounds. If my mother became unsafe, or my children were feeling uncomfortable, then the rules would change. I don’t know if that is the right approach, something I will have to work through with my therapist.

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