What Can I Tell Jill on Wednesday?

“What are your three goals for the coming week”? Jill looks at me with her caring inquiry.

“I need to spend time alone. I value being alone. Intentional time with my kids. We are together all day every day, but intentional time is different than idle time. Home school doesn’t always lend itself to connectedness.”

I pause. Fumbling through my Rolodex of commitments, perceived obligations, and desire; what is most important for me to invest in this week? “Working out. I always feel better when I do. Riding my bike with the sun on my face. It helps.”

I felt satisfied with the answers. Confident Jill would approve, I gave a “that is my final answer” nod.

Are my goals genuine? Did I just say those things because I care for her approval? Maybe a little bit of both. They are certainly good goals, and I do care what she thinks of me. I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t. I usually don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I am going for help, why do I care if I look put together. Fuck. She knows I’m not put together. That is plain as day. Yes. Those goals, genuine for sure… I think.

Alone time. Check. Me, food, beer, and a book. It’s like a mini vacation. If you are ever in Boise, go to Sockeye Brewery. They are fantastic.

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Intentional time with my children. Check. Tim and I took the kids fishing.

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Working out….. It’s only Tuesday, I have until tomorrow to accomplish that. Oy.